Belinda Moore

I looked up this article I wrote ages ago after conversations with friends and my own recent lack of energy. Maybe others will find it useful? A timely reminder for me, too…

I am mama to six wonderful people aged two to twelve. Due to my husband’s work commitments; a lot of the parenting, home education and household chores fall to me, which brings me to what this article is about… Burnout!

As the children have grown and more have been born, I have had to reassess my commitments and the energy I have available, as well as finding methods to cope with increases in my workload. I’d like to share some of what I’ve learned…

As described by Sarah Ban Breathnach in her bestseller, Simple Abundance… “It’s burnout when you go to bed exhausted every night and wake up tired every morning – when no amount of sleep refreshes you, month after weary month. It’s burnout when everything becomes too much effort: combing your hair, going out to dinner, visiting friends for the weekend, even going on vacation. It’s burnout when you find yourself cranky all the time, bursting into tears or going into fits of rage at the slightest provocation. It’s burnout when you dread the next phone call. It’s burnout when you feel trapped and hopeless, unable to dream, experience pleasure, or find contentment. It’s burnout when neither the big thrills nor the little moments have the power to move you – when nothing satisfies you because you haven’t a clue what’s wrong or how to fix it. Because everything’s wrong. Because something’s terribly out of whack: you.”

For me, it’s homeschooling burnout when school seems like a better option, when it’s not fun any more, when we are no longer excited by our learning journey… If you feel like this, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your homeschooling route has come to its end, it may simply mean that it’s time to change your timetable, your curriculum, or your environment… Or perhaps take a break from routine and get back to basics (and ‘basics’ will mean different things to each family). We generally use Unit Studies with a lot of natural learning within a loose structure. When Lily was born we were doing a Unit on the Human Body, due to the amazing example of biology happening here – the miracle of birth! That Unit lasted a little longer than planned, as the children were busy with various projects and books when I was ready to move on… (ie: bored, I’m no scientist, sigh.) But a couple of weeks later we began a relaxed unit on Art and Music history which allowed for much book devouring and appreciation of classical music. We pored over art books, painted, sculpted and read biographies of some famous creative people from long ago. It was a Unit that interested each family member in a different way (as do many of our chosen Unit topics), and it took very little effort on my behalf as the main facillitator in learning activities at our place. We’ve since done units on India, Food & Cooking, Horses, Fairies, Native Americans, Oceans & Seashores and more. We tend to sway between topics requiring a lot of research and activities and those which fly along with little external input – relying solely on the children’s enthusiasm.

Despite our preparation and forethought, there have been some moments in the past that sending the children to preschool and school seemed like a fine coping mechanism! I lost sight of my reasons for choosing home education for our family, and just craved a bit of normality, some time with my baby, and a nap! Those feelings soon passed and I’d be coping just fine when a horrid ‘flu would come to stay for two weeks, affecting us one by one and doubling my workload whilst draining my energy. Again I’d have a few doubts about my commitment to home based learning, and whether or not school was so terrible after all… Fighting fit again, I’d read just a few pages of John Holt and be convinced we’d stick it out, and enjoy it too! Remaining focused can be a matter of re-reading your favourite home education books.

It’s worth taking steps to avoid burnout even if it seems like it couldn’t happen to you. Your children need you to be as healthy and contented as possible. I’m reminded of Covey’s idea of “sharpening the saw”. Taking the time to sharpen your saw will assist you in getting through the tough times – in our family it is the arrival of babies, and illnesses – for you it may be something entirely different. It might even be the build up of many things that bother you. And if you’ve no time for the garden, unread books on the bedside table, a fitness regime abandoned, yoga classes have gone by the wayside or …[fill in your own unfulfilled needs] then your saw will be dull. Eat well, exercise and don’t take on more than you can cope with.

I’ve always been an advocate for remaining as organised as one feels comfortable with. For me that includes the whole spectre of organisational tools – a diary, a calendar, each term mapped out with our loose units planned, folders of resources and notes for future units, lists for household chores, shopping and errands. We have a chore chart so that each child has turns at doing various tasks around the home, and they’re also often asked to help me with extra chores when necessary. It isn’t a gold-star reward kind of chart, just a reminder of who does what when. I’ve had to learn to “allow” them to undertake certain tasks. As they grow older and become more adept at helping out I am appreciating the wisdom (often their Dad’s) of teaching them these skills. So, in a nutshell, sharing jobs around the home makes more sense than having one person responsible for most of the work.

And on the topic of delegating housework, I’ve been aware of the benefits of paid help for many years. We had our house on the market and three small children with another on the way so we employed a cleaner to come when all the “extras” needed doing – walls, window, fans, lights, eaves, verandah, sliding doors etc…. Over those years she has come both occasionally and fortnightly to suit our needs. Our cleaner-friend is my most luxurious sanity saver yet – though surprisingly inexpensive. (I met a Mum once who flew to Perth for a 5-day holiday alone as her most extravagant attempt at staying afloat!)

Home educating parents are contenders for burnout due not only to the workload we take on compared to many other families, but the isolation we often find ourselves in – with no one to bounce ideas off, have a whinge to or share resources with… We soldier on because we’re meant to. After deciding to undertake this mammoth task of teaching the children ourselves – despite often facing a lot of negative response from family, friends, schools and sometimes even our partners – we can feel that we must not ask for help in order to “save face”. Do you find yourself in this situation? Are you afraid to ask for assistance when you need it because you feel as though others will think you’ve brought all your woes upon yourselves? I am. Though I’m discovering the benefits of accepting offers of help, and being realistic about how much I can comfortably manage alone. The adage “It takes a village to raise a child” springs to mind.

Another way I find support is by regular contact with other homeschooling parents. Since there are so few in our area this is a challenge, but I do enjoy conversations via telephone, letters, e-mail and internet forums. I’m also uplifted by reading others’ stories in newsletters and magazines, and cherish the wisdom shared.